Things change and there is no doubt about that. Whether it is for the best or for the worst, we always wish things didn't change. Because whether it was all good or if it was all bad, there will always be something we miss about the past.
Like in a relationship. You talk for maybe a few months, then you really start to fall for the person, then you start dating and become a couple. You become so close, practically inseparable. But after awhile things change, only slightly, you start to fight and you just don't feel like being in that situation. You don’t want the stress, because you believe you can be better independent. You say you’re done and you shut the door. For some reason you feel on top of the world. They seem happy. You are happy too; you seem to be more focused on you and what you need to be doing. Weeks, months, even years go by. You have been with a few people, they weren't bad. There was nothing wrong with them. They told you, you were amazing, some claimed you were sent from heaven. They talked to you like they could have given the world to be with you, but something held you back. You laughed in their face. You think you are good on your own. You believed they are lame and nothing like what you really want. How could a they even say those things unless it was a joke? You wonder. But because there are so many people saying this you chase after the ones that is a bit harder to understand because you like a challenge, you don't want to be bored. You don't want it to be easy. But they don't text you every day; they don't like to talk on the phone. They may not even talk to others of the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean they have time for you. You wonder why you are there alone. You don't know what you want anymore. You try to imagine yourself with the person you are talking to now, but you can't. You can't even imagine yourself with your past three exs. You start to think about that one person. That one person who became such a huge part of your life. You start to draw the comparisons;
New: don’t want to talk. Old: talked every day. New: wouldn’t leave the house if you were more than ten minutes away. Old: would walk the earth to get to where you are. New: would rather chill with their friends. Old: would make sure it was possible to hang out with you and their friends in the same day. And most importantly the New doesn't make you feel like you can be yourself, you always feel like you have to put on a front and be the best to impress them and keep their attention. With the Old you already had their full attention so you could be yourself completely and you just felt so comfortable. It makes you feel so sad. It almost rips your heart out at the very thought of something that should have been perfect could end up so torn. Then you remember that it was you that threw it all out the window, he didn't tell you he was done. You ended the fight telling him to never talk to you again, you told him he was a waste of your time, but he ended the fight saying he'd still be there if you came back, that you could still be friends. You didn't want to hear it then; you still don't want to hear it now. Still, you believe things are better now than they would have been if you guys had kept in touch. You wouldn't be together. You wouldn't have that deep connection. And whether you were still friends or not anymore, you'd still draw these comparisons. You don't want that to happen again, so you decide you want something different, but you don't know what is more different: an abusive relationship, or a relationship where you truly complete each other.
Or you could see how a simple relationship with people you know can change. As life goes on you are forced to meet new people. Which is not bad, I love new people. I like to know the world. So you’re put in an environment where there are people who are interested in the same things and want the same things in life. But that is not the only thing you have in common. You actually can read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sentences. You start to wonder how it can be that you’ve only known this person for a short time yet some people you have known for years just seem to not get you at all. You feel kind of surprised and feel like you been living a lie. Why would you surround yourself with people that don't get you; whether you are overly sensitive, highly confusing, or utterly disturbing.
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