So I have been talking to this guy so to say. I have gone so far with him, yet not all the way yet. For the past year I have been so proud to say "Oh I'm a MegaVirgin." I hadn't kissed a guy. I was a tease. I mean, I still am a tease, but maybe not so much with this one guy. I don't know why. I don't know if I actually like him. I don't want to regret this. I don't want him to take advantage. I don't want him to play games with me. I want to be so careful, but I also want to give him something more. I don't want him to stop talking to me.
I have mixed feelings so hard. I want to go back to not liking any guys. I want to go back to harmless flirty. I don't want to think about sex. I don't want to think of a kiss. I don't want to think of someone like this. It is so crazy. I have too much tolerance and I think I might be giving it to a person who don't deserve it.
But I want to like him so bad. I feel this kid needs some good caring feelngs. I feel I could try and be that person. But I hate feeling pressured to do things when I'm alone with him. Some of the things he says and does are sketchy. He is also not someone would particularly call a "good boy." He's def a bad boy. When ever someone hear's me talk about him they say, "He's funny." Well yeah. That's the definition of a bad boy. Hm.. I mean again with my tolerance, I don't agree with what he does, but I have heard his reason and I guess I just understand his logic. Of course I think he is wrong, but I'm not going to be rude about it. Tolerance and care. That's how I am. I honestly think I'm one of the best people in the word because of some of the gifts God has given me to deal with people. I may not be very social and slightly awkward, but I think I do truly enjoy people just they way they are.
There is this other guy though and he stay trying to hit me up. I do respond, but I don't know why. I really don't want to talk to him, but he is friends with the other guy. And he keeps saying stuff like, "Dang if he wasn't my dude." "Really wish I could tell you shit." "Wish you'd give me a chance. You're looking in the wrong place." I don't know if he is really trynna warn me because he knows some bullshit or if he is just jealous.
But everytime he hits me up, he just annoys me. I don't want to talk to him. I want him to go away. I feel like it's just wrong there. He seems like a real nice guy and all, but I don't think I can like him like that.
Maybe it's because he's white. Yes you are allowed to laugh, because, yes, I am white. I don't know what it is, but I have not liked a white guy since the first guy I dated. Since then my other ex's were black and then I have tried talking to other white guys, but I don't know. I just don't see them as more than a friend usually.
But back to the issue at hand, I can't make up my mind. It's so crazy with this guy. I don't know how to deal. I had talked to him before in the past, but now it seems a little different, but maybe it's not and I'm just fooling myself. But I think God really has put him back here with me, but I'm not sure why. Or maybe I'm crazy. And I am clearly terrible at second guessing myself.
I have mixed feelings so hard. I want to go back to not liking any guys. I want to go back to harmless flirty. I don't want to think about sex. I don't want to think of a kiss. I don't want to think of someone like this. It is so crazy. I have too much tolerance and I think I might be giving it to a person who don't deserve it.
But I want to like him so bad. I feel this kid needs some good caring feelngs. I feel I could try and be that person. But I hate feeling pressured to do things when I'm alone with him. Some of the things he says and does are sketchy. He is also not someone would particularly call a "good boy." He's def a bad boy. When ever someone hear's me talk about him they say, "He's funny." Well yeah. That's the definition of a bad boy. Hm.. I mean again with my tolerance, I don't agree with what he does, but I have heard his reason and I guess I just understand his logic. Of course I think he is wrong, but I'm not going to be rude about it. Tolerance and care. That's how I am. I honestly think I'm one of the best people in the word because of some of the gifts God has given me to deal with people. I may not be very social and slightly awkward, but I think I do truly enjoy people just they way they are.
There is this other guy though and he stay trying to hit me up. I do respond, but I don't know why. I really don't want to talk to him, but he is friends with the other guy. And he keeps saying stuff like, "Dang if he wasn't my dude." "Really wish I could tell you shit." "Wish you'd give me a chance. You're looking in the wrong place." I don't know if he is really trynna warn me because he knows some bullshit or if he is just jealous.
But everytime he hits me up, he just annoys me. I don't want to talk to him. I want him to go away. I feel like it's just wrong there. He seems like a real nice guy and all, but I don't think I can like him like that.
Maybe it's because he's white. Yes you are allowed to laugh, because, yes, I am white. I don't know what it is, but I have not liked a white guy since the first guy I dated. Since then my other ex's were black and then I have tried talking to other white guys, but I don't know. I just don't see them as more than a friend usually.
But back to the issue at hand, I can't make up my mind. It's so crazy with this guy. I don't know how to deal. I had talked to him before in the past, but now it seems a little different, but maybe it's not and I'm just fooling myself. But I think God really has put him back here with me, but I'm not sure why. Or maybe I'm crazy. And I am clearly terrible at second guessing myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment