Being A Good Girl.
How did I get here? I don't know how I got this far with this one guy. Does he even like me? Is it just for the sex? His mom is always one to smile now when I come over and says hi. Is that weird? We're not even dating. I hate to start liking his family and his mom to like me if nothing is ever going to happen between us and if he's only using me to have sex.
We been talking for almost five months and I really don't know where this is going or if it's even going on at all. I want to like him. I want to be everything for him and to him. I want to be that girl for him that his friends will get jealous of. I want to be that girl. That girl for him. But I know I have to keep my distance emotionally.
If it is just for sex I wish he'd just break it off. Why keep my around? I was a virgin. He had to wait a pretty long while before I finally gave in. Why would you try so hard to get a girl to do that? There are plenty of girls readily there for you to go mess around with. Less chance of stds when doing it with a virgin? But really why? If you didn't want to be with the girl, why would you try so hard to get in her pants? Is there really a huge fascination with being a girl's first? Why would you want to be that? He will be the one she will always remember. Like if you want to be a girls first you better make sure you want to take on that responsibility.
I haven't talked to anyone else. Even when I was drunk I stayed faithful. Faithful to what I'm not even sure. I just know I don't want to be that girl. I don't know how much he likes me or if he even does at all. But I know that if he does I don't want to be the one to hurt him. I just wish things were more clear. It is hard to be a good girl when you are so unsure of everything. But I am. Like I said I want to be that girl for him.
He isn't the best guy ever and sometimes he can be a little jerky, say things, and do things that I don't like, but other times I'm like hmm this guy has something going for him. He's still young and in some areas of life I think he might be just a little mislead. Still I'm there. He's kind of something special to me. He's been a lot of my firsts. First kiss, first time. He has been the first guy that isn't in my family to go to one of my dance recitals. He was my date to prom and I have never had a date to any dance before. But besides the firsts, I've become pretty comfortable around him. I'd say it's the first time I've met a guy's parents. We are able to hang out all day and I think it's an enjoyable time. I think he looks forward to when we'll see each other next. I tell him I miss him and he will say it back. He kisses me in front of his friends. One thing that surprised me is his manners. Anywhere he will usually get the door.
I hang out with him, his mom and his brother sometimes. We all went out to dinner one night. It was kind of cheap but it was still dinner. His mom seems to like me. I like her too. She's really nice and funny. I just don't want to get close to some one's family when we're just talking. We been talking for a long kind of a long time but still, we're just talking.
I still feel like there is something between us. Sometimes I wonder if it is just his ego and if he would ever admit to liking me like a lot and wanting to date. I don't know what else to do at this point. I don't want to push him away but I feel like if I don't push at all it's going to continue like this and never progress in to anything.
I'd like to go out with him to a party again. I'd like to see if he still calls me a friend. I know I'm not your girlfriend but I'd say we're a little more than friends.
There are just so many things I want to ask him about right now. But I'm scared to. I guess if I'm just someone he wanted to mess around with then okay, I'm done. But if he really does like me still doesn't want to date officially then I'm going to be like what the heck? I don't know if I could see him really getting over his ego though and making it official.
I wonder why not? Because he's said it before. I didn't think much of it then because we had just started talking, but now I'm really wondering. Why not date? Is he scared of something? Does he for some reason not trust me? I don't know.
How did I get here? I don't know how I got this far with this one guy. Does he even like me? Is it just for the sex? His mom is always one to smile now when I come over and says hi. Is that weird? We're not even dating. I hate to start liking his family and his mom to like me if nothing is ever going to happen between us and if he's only using me to have sex.
We been talking for almost five months and I really don't know where this is going or if it's even going on at all. I want to like him. I want to be everything for him and to him. I want to be that girl for him that his friends will get jealous of. I want to be that girl. That girl for him. But I know I have to keep my distance emotionally.
If it is just for sex I wish he'd just break it off. Why keep my around? I was a virgin. He had to wait a pretty long while before I finally gave in. Why would you try so hard to get a girl to do that? There are plenty of girls readily there for you to go mess around with. Less chance of stds when doing it with a virgin? But really why? If you didn't want to be with the girl, why would you try so hard to get in her pants? Is there really a huge fascination with being a girl's first? Why would you want to be that? He will be the one she will always remember. Like if you want to be a girls first you better make sure you want to take on that responsibility.
I haven't talked to anyone else. Even when I was drunk I stayed faithful. Faithful to what I'm not even sure. I just know I don't want to be that girl. I don't know how much he likes me or if he even does at all. But I know that if he does I don't want to be the one to hurt him. I just wish things were more clear. It is hard to be a good girl when you are so unsure of everything. But I am. Like I said I want to be that girl for him.
He isn't the best guy ever and sometimes he can be a little jerky, say things, and do things that I don't like, but other times I'm like hmm this guy has something going for him. He's still young and in some areas of life I think he might be just a little mislead. Still I'm there. He's kind of something special to me. He's been a lot of my firsts. First kiss, first time. He has been the first guy that isn't in my family to go to one of my dance recitals. He was my date to prom and I have never had a date to any dance before. But besides the firsts, I've become pretty comfortable around him. I'd say it's the first time I've met a guy's parents. We are able to hang out all day and I think it's an enjoyable time. I think he looks forward to when we'll see each other next. I tell him I miss him and he will say it back. He kisses me in front of his friends. One thing that surprised me is his manners. Anywhere he will usually get the door.
I hang out with him, his mom and his brother sometimes. We all went out to dinner one night. It was kind of cheap but it was still dinner. His mom seems to like me. I like her too. She's really nice and funny. I just don't want to get close to some one's family when we're just talking. We been talking for a long kind of a long time but still, we're just talking.
I still feel like there is something between us. Sometimes I wonder if it is just his ego and if he would ever admit to liking me like a lot and wanting to date. I don't know what else to do at this point. I don't want to push him away but I feel like if I don't push at all it's going to continue like this and never progress in to anything.
I'd like to go out with him to a party again. I'd like to see if he still calls me a friend. I know I'm not your girlfriend but I'd say we're a little more than friends.
There are just so many things I want to ask him about right now. But I'm scared to. I guess if I'm just someone he wanted to mess around with then okay, I'm done. But if he really does like me still doesn't want to date officially then I'm going to be like what the heck? I don't know if I could see him really getting over his ego though and making it official.
I wonder why not? Because he's said it before. I didn't think much of it then because we had just started talking, but now I'm really wondering. Why not date? Is he scared of something? Does he for some reason not trust me? I don't know.
